Beyond my Guilt
by Lady-Darkstreak
Summary: L visits BB. one-shot


BEYOND MY GUILT

L walked down the hall, the plain white walls doing nothing to calm the feeling of guilt and dread that he felt. He knew he had to be here he didn't want to be. It wasn't because this place was a mental institute for convicted criminals; it was because of the person he was going to visit. He could have turned around and the inmate of room 13A would never know. But L couldn't run from this, because he had no excuse. He had to speak with someone before Kira, the false god, killed him.

The guard that L had been following motioned towards a plain door. "This is it. I'll wait down the hall." The guard said, unlocking the door.

L nodded in thanks and opened the door.

The man inside was lying on his back on the floor, the top of his head pointed at L. his legs were crossed at the ankle and his eyes were closed. His arms were constricted to his body by a straightjacket that looked comfortable despite its purpose.

"Beyond Birthday." L whispered, but the whisper carried and reached the other man's ears.

"Lawliet." Came a ragged reply, his voice was horse from lack of use.

"Beyond-kun, I need to talk to you." L said quietly.

"Lawliet has never needed anything of Beyond." Beyond sat up, his back to L and his ebony hair had grown longer and fell dishevelled to his shoulders. "But if the Great L wishes to speak with his Backup," Beyond paused and turned around. "Then sit and talk."

L crouched down before BB. Beyond tilted his head and frowned. He lifted his leg to L's chest and shoved the detective to the ground so he was sitting like Beyond was.

"Lawliet does not need his reasoning ability when he is with Beyond Birthday." He stated plainly.

L crossed his legs and rested his elbows on his knees. "You're right, Beyond-kun."

"Is something wrong? Is Lawliet nervous? It has been a long time since we spoke, hasn't it?" asked Beyond.

L nodded in response. He was finding it hard to look BB in the eye and wanted to chew on his thumbnail but forced his hand still.

"Don't worry my dear Lawliet, Beyond understands that people are often afraid to even look at people they've betrayed."

"I didn't betray you." L protested.

"Oh but you did. Lawliet did betray Beyond. But worse then that, Lawliet forgot him. The greatest mind the world has yet to see, _forgot _Beyond._" _Beyond's voice was stabbing in eachsentence like a fine needle. "Then he betrays his Backup by casting him aside and replacing him with children. _Children, _Lawliet. Who were barely out of their diapers, replaced Beyond."

"Beyond-kun, I~"

"Don't want to listen?" Beyond cut in, no longer trying to hide the malice and hurt in his voice. "Lawliet doesn't want Beyond to remind him of the truth? Was Lawliet trying to hide from it?"

"I had no choice." L finally looked away from Beyond's crimson stare. "How could I let you take my place after what you did?"

L sensed Beyond lean forward rather than see him do it. "That is a lie and Lawliet knows it. Beyond killed after you forgot him. Beyond tried all he could for Lawliet to remember him, but nothing worked! You betrayed me! You cast me aside the moment you thought I was surpassing you!" beyond had given up talking in his usual third person and was yelling in L face. " We were going to work together! I never wanted to take your place! I only ever wanted to work by your side! But you were so afraid of losing your title of 'L' that you betrayed and replaced me with children!"

Beyond closed his eyes and harshly turned his head away from L. the silence grew thick over them until Beyond spoke again. "Is it any wonder I killed?" he said softly. "I just wanted you to notice me, to remember that I existed. Either by my hand or another's, those people would have died. So I killed so only you would be able to find me, to remember me. I know it was bad, but what else could I have done?"

"There was other ways you could have gotten my attention, BB."

Beyond opened his eyes and glared coldly. "You weren't there." He snarled. "You left Wammy's and forgot about me."

"It's not as though I wanted to leave, I had to." L tried.

"Did you come here just to lie to me and yourself? There is no one here but you and I and yet still you lie."

L hung his head and sighed. You're right Beyond-kun; I have no excuse for what I did. I'm sorry."

"Saying sorry doesn't make up for what you did Lawliet. You're such a gutless coward that you couldn't even be there when they arrested me. No one even read me my Right's, but I suppose someone like me doesn't have Right's, do I?"

L looked back up at Beyond. "Everyone has Right's Beyond-kun."

"Not me Lawliet. I didn't. I was arrested, beaten and thrown in here. No Right's, no trial, nothing."

"Beaten?" that one word held surprise.

"Yes. Tricky basteds, cops. Harsh enough to hurt but not enough to scar." Beyond said dryly, and then grinned. "I think they were more angry because I didn't scream for them."

A few minutes past with both of them in silence staring at each other. There was no change, neither had changed expression but Beyond suddenly lashed out with his foot and kicked L in the jaw. L was forced onto his back by the blow and Beyond held him there with a pale foot at L's throat.

L did nothing to retaliate; he just lay on the floor and tried to breathe past the pressure on his throat.

Beyond studied L's eyes closely. "You want to die, don't you Lawliet?" Beyond sounded sincere.

L managed to choke out a small yes.

"We are very much the same, you and I. We have both killed many people. Only you send people out to be killed, I kill them myself. Did you know Lawliet, that the moment when existence turns to nothingness is beautiful? Nothing is more beautiful then the moment of death. But you've never seen it with your own eyes, so how could you know that?" Beyond eased his hold a little. "Beyond cannot kill his Lawliet. He still has a long life ahead of him. But now Beyond knows, he knows why you chase Kira. It isn't for justice like Lawliet has always claimed, it is because the only way he can stop killing, is to be killed himself. Is Beyond right, Lawliet?" Beyond had found his unusual speaking pattern again.

L nodded but a mere blink would have made Beyond miss it.

Beyond gave L a sad look. "Beyond never would have known Lawliet for passive suicide."

L averted his eyes from Beyond, hiding under the fringe of his messy hair.

"Beyond will not grant Lawliet's wish. Lawliet will live, and this time, he will not forget." Beyond lifted his foot off L and allowed him to stand and walk away.

"Goodbye Beyond Birthday." L said softly as he left the room.

"Goodbye my Lawliet." Beyond whispered after L had gone.

Three hours later L received a report that the psychotic serial killer, Beyond Birthday, was found dead in his cell. The cause of death: Heart Attack.

End


End file.
